all I want is something to believe in

Alright, so sometimes i am inspired by fashion choices other people make. Well, recently my friend had introduced me to a style icon who I now believe is quite cool. Her name is Edie Sedgwick. I have never ever heard of her before but due
to my friends infatuation with her, I had come to appreciate her. It is impossible to deny that her life had not been tragic or horrid because it was. But what I really like about her was that she was always herself. Her kooky ways was just who she was. And that is how she had become famous. She was Andy Warhol's superstar. Below are a few things that had appeared through out her wardrobe which are incredibly cool.

1) Black Tights



2) Shoulder length Earrings/Dramatic Jewelry



3) Mod Makeup



4) Leotards


5) Boat necks

Speak how you feel so the words sound real

"Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.
The Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough."
-from Alice In Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

When the bright lights, When the Bab'lone Nights

For the last week I have been studying like a mad woman for my diploma exams and... now they are finished! So nervous for my test scores but they don't come until a month's time, so that should give me quite a long time to worry over them. But such an ecstatic feeling had set in. Happiness. Freedom. Inspiration. Just all in one. I can't wait to start working on myself and just trying to figure out everything. I need to stop being lazy and stop procrastinating. I need to start doing more and more. I need to start not being so afraid. Just; I am going to do it. I am.

Here is my list of things to do over the summer: (PS: I love lists)

1. Learn Guitar
2. Draw
3. Read. Read. Read!
4. Sew/Knit
5. Photography
6. Learn French ( A little bit)
7. Listen to French Music
8. Go to thrift stores
9. Find new adventures
10. Ponder on Life; What do I want to do?
11. Be myself.

Whats on your list?/What are your hobbies?

And I just can't contain, This feeling that remains

Recently I have had the opportunity to read a novella for my English class. We had many different choices to choose from but I finally picked "Death in Venice" by a German author; Thomas Mann. It was revealed to the world in 1912 and by 1925 was translated to English. Now normally I would never pick up a book like this, not because it isn't good but because I have never, ever read a classic and perhaps considered them "boring." Now yes, I am very ashamed of the fact I have never read a book by a world-renowned author or thought that these books would not be something I particularity like. But honestly; how wrong was I! So entirely, completely, wholly and solely wrong! First of all, let me tell you what the book is about. It is basically a story of two extremes which are containment versus passion. In this story, a German writer who lives for art but never feels it, visits Venice and becomes a different man. He is changed as his curbed passion is unleashed when he encounters a young boy and falls in love with him. Now returning to the "I wouldn't normally read it" as some parts of the novel are odd as it contains a pedophile idea but gratefully not any acting upon those ideas. I have never read a book which has this type of idea as it particularity scares me. But what was fascinating about this book was not only how well it was written but also, how intriguing the concept was. The exploration of the two extremes were done particularity well and really made you wonder what the character was thinking. In the end, I was grateful that I had picked this book as I found it a very interesting experience and unearthed my fascination/obsession with literature. What are your favorite books and why? I would love to know!

good bye babe, see you again someday

Today was the last day of high school. It feels so surreal to be done in such a short period of time it seems. It has been three years and yet, I feel as if a moment simply flew by. On one hand I am entirely happy that it is done as new journeys await but at the same time I don't want to lose my youth, my innocence. I don't want to gain responsibility which I feel I am entirely unprepared for. You have to start depending on no one but yourself but I feel as if all my life I have depended on everyone around me.I feel as if I break down when no one is there to help me. I guess I am not entirely shocked at the fact change will soon come my way but I am just amazed at the speed of time. One day we are youngsters running around with our friends and then we grow up to be adults with no friends whatsoever... Haha... Seriously, its not funny. I have no friends. But this is not the point of the blog post. I just want to urge everyone to go out and be crazy, be funny, be studious, just be you while you have the time! I don't have the guts to be any of that, for now i hope at least, but just think about how fast the speed of time is. Do something now so you won't regret it later. People are people. People are supposed to live and as we all have a different definition of what a "good life" is, why are we so scared? Are we scared of judgment or of our selves? Are we scared of the barriers or our capability? Just by being you, you are not only making yourself much happier but also, you will meet people who have similar interests. People who you enjoy being around with. Just do it. Anything and everything. Six little but most powerful words; Do. It. Be. It. Why Not?

what is love but the strangest of feelings?

I feel so alone and misunderstood by nobody but myself. I feel as though I know nothing about who I am. I often don't even know what I feel about certain things. I sometimes find myself asking over and over again. Questioning to find the answer but never succeeding. I am lost and can never make up my mind. Who am I? I sometimes feel that I am up to nobody's standards; mine or anybody elses. I wonder who I should be. What seems appealing to others. And only sometimes do I feel whole and want to break out but everytime I try to speak -I feel ashamed, not confident, unimportant, just minute- and my voice gets lost. And once again, I wonder.

Certainty

With every step we take, we plunge into the darkness. Waiting for a sign to tell us if we won or if we lost. If we are closer or farther away. If we are right or if we are wrong. Nothing is for certain and that what makes life a game of chance. We will never know if what we are doing is for the best or is just senseless. But we do know for certain that when we do something that pleases the self, we are winning half of the battle. Even though we may mess up, we can come out with a sense of satisfaction and gratitude. We were certain in our selves and in our mind set that we have moved two steps towards the goal. The rest does not matter; so what if the decision was wrong and we were made to step back? We learned from it and from ourselves. No matter how many times we mess up, when we make decisions that make us happy; we will always end up one step ahead than the last time.

How Simple...

Well, today I had gotten the chance to finally see one of my very good friends. We walked home together and because of the scorching hot day; we got ice cream. After just simply walking, laughing, enjoying our sugary goodness and tanning under the hot sun; it really hit me how little one needs for happiness. To be genuinely happy we need so very little; love, laughs, adventure. Just a smile, a good word. Yet all we do, as humans, is ask for things. Wanting. Always. Weather it may be materialistic or physical. We always require something to make us happy. Well, what we think will make us happy, not what actually does. Just walking along the hot pavement with the bright sun in our eyes; I felt content. Just talking about life and making jokes; I felt happy. As If I didn't want anything more; just a friend. And laughter. How ridiculously simple.

Once upon a time...

there was a hopelessly lost girl. She didn't know who she wanted to be, who she should be or even dared to dream of who she could be. She was living in a world of mixed emotions and jumbled up desires. She didn't know whether to do this or that. She wasn't completely sure if she was doing what she was for herself or for someone else. She always had to get a second opinion and usually went with what the other person suggested other than what she had felt about the particular subject matter. But to be honestly truthful more than anything; she was scared. Of everything. She was so timid and shy about everything. Absolutely everything. From boys to just speaking out in class. She felt confused about what she had liked, about what she should like or perhaps what would be just amazing to like. Have you ever felt inspired by someone? Perhaps even if they are the complete opposite of you? For instance, you were inspired by their hobbies such as they infatuation with art, literature, photography etc. Or perhaps the person's characteristics such as determination, spontaneity, or just love of life? Well, she had many inspirations and when she though about what the people had done she was awe-struck. She wanted to be able to do that. She wanted to like the same things because they people seemed so amazing and just... were themselves. So she said to others that she liked those things. But in the end.... she forgot what she herself had liked and would always ask herself "Do I truly enjoy this?". But she didn't even know how to answer that simple question. It was then so hard for her to tell the truth from the dreams she had aspired to be. In the end she was just lost. Confused. Cursed some people would say. Who could help her other than herself? But how could she peel away her true passions from other people's expectations and their dreams? She was just so, so timid. So undeniable scared. She felt as if she was trapped in a box of which she could not get out of. She was trapped within herself.